I'll Be Seeing You

I don't want to blog the way I used to anymore. Sometimes, women's thoughts just aren't meant to be displayed to the undeserving public. They are meant for those deserving, behind closed doors. I think I need to pay a visit to my long neglected diary that sits in my nightstand drawer, desperately missing a pen and some good, emotional, not-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman angst. Plus, my twitter is actually proving to be quite fun, and a good outlet for little things I want to say.

So, possibly goodbye. You, blog and blog readers, are going to have to work harder to know what I'm thinking. ;-)

I want a Harry Goldenblatt.

I think Benadryl gives me the most crazy vivid dreams. Two nights in a row now I've woken up absolutely stunned at what my mind concocted in my sleep. Too personal to blog. :-P

Complexicated

Life is confusing. But these things I know:

1. I am absolutely in love with my friends, who are truly my second family. They know me, and know what I need. I love each and every one of them exactly the way they are, and would be lost without them.

2. My cat is amazing, as are all nice pets, because they love you no matter what. When I'm sad or lonely, Tigerlily's there to cuddle. She is super perfect.

3. I will always buy shoes that I don't need.

5. I like meeting new people that I click with, especially when they are cute boys.

6. I want to feel better about myself next semester.

Otherwise, life is too complicated to make blanket statements about almost anything.

It's nice to feel good again.

I don't know if I'll ever be satisfied.

Not Studying for My Final = Spontaneous Blog

I am such a bad blogger. I could absolutely never be a writer. I just don't usually enjoy it very much.

I'm having a string of good days. Good night last night, very fun and happy. One more week left for finals, then I can take my kitty and my Katie and flee Kirksville for a good few weeks. I am so sick of this place right now. I love the comfort of my house and our Christmas lights and even my uncomfortable bed, but otherwise this place just seems so toxic and suffocating at the moment. I need a definite breather.

No Sound But The Wind by Editors

We can never go home
We no longer have one
I'll help you carry the load
I'll carry you in my arms
The kiss of the snow
The crescent moon above us
Our blood is cold
And we're alone
But I'm alone with you

Help me to carry the fire
We will keep it alight together
Help me to carry the fire
It will light our way forever

I know it sounds stupid, and juvenile, and cliched, and all those other things that I hate and hate being, but I honestly don't know if I'm going to be okay.

Kahlil Gibran on Love

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest
branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become
sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.