Monday, August 31, 2009

Doubt/Optimism

I am so doubtful of myself. I second guess myself all the time, and think that I don't deserve better. Why is that? And why won't it go away? I need to feel better about myself. I need to accept that I can do better, can always do better, can always strive to do better. I need a new mantra. A new way to live. Maybe it's already coming.

I am emotional. I know this. I will probably just have to accept it and learn to live with it for the rest of my life. I'd rather be emotional and impulsive than stoic and unfeeling, inexpressive. Definitely.

I just needed to get that little spurt out.

When does it get easier? What makes it easier?

In better news: reconnected with my oldest and one of my greatest friends. I can't wait to actually sit down with her (hopefully this weekend) and really start the friendlove.

Love can't save you. You must save yourself. You must love yourself. You don't have any other choice because this world is an unfair world, and people are inconsiderate and rash and unbelievable and fleeting. Protect your heart, because really, no one else protects it for you. I have now learned this. And I hope I fucking remember it.

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