I wish I didn't get lonely so easily.

I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I want to get back to the happy I used to have, but with someone else. Or with no one at all.

I just want to get over it and move on. More than anything.

Sometimes I hate him. Sometimes, when I think back, I am so angry. And sometimes I am sad, and sometimes I am unsure. Sometimes I feel pathetic and hopeless.

But even when I smile and laugh and am enjoying time with my friends and people who love me, I can never feel as happy as I once did. I can't seem to find that feeling again. And I feel completely robbed of my happiness. As mature as I try to be about it, and as reasonable and logical as I try to be, that won't go away. I feel absolutely used. Used for selfishness and a test of self-worth. Used as a tool for someone to find out what was right for him, disregarding entirely what was right for me. I'm so sick of being told what's right for me, rather than letting me figure it out for myself.

And I really don't know what to do about all of that. It's an incredibly helpless feeling.