So much can change in a year. I was just talking with a friend of mine about this, and I look back and realize how much has changed for me in the past year. I came to college. I got a role in my first college production. I fell in love and started my first serious relationship. I found out I was going to be an aunt. I spent the summer away from home in a house I could call my own, separate from my parents. I distanced myself from my family. I experienced my first breakup. I rediscovered my independence. I renewed my relationship with my then ex-boyfriend. I had my first panic attack, followed by a few more. Meanwhile, my friends and those close to me were experiencing unexpected pregnancies, engagements, rocky relationships, first college experiences, and in general, big life changes.
I wonder if this is just the time in our lives when the most change occurs. It's probably hard to measure something like that statistically, but I still wonder. The college years. I never imagined they would be so crazy. I remember considering myself to be a pretty level person before college. Jesus christ, that changed.
Life is such a paradox. We're primed our whole young lives to prepare for the future, look ahead, have a clear vision where we're going. Yet, in relationships, I've found it's best not to plan. Looking ahead to the future only brings fear, and questioning, and paranoia. In my relationship, we keep telling ourselves to go slow, not make plans. Plans have destroyed us in the past. Where do you draw the line, though? Because lately, all I've been able to think of is the future. I've suffered and came out smiling of a bit of a crisis with my dad in regards to my major and career choices, so of course I can't help but think ahead. It is rough for me not to then transfer that to other aspects of my life. With everything that my sister has gone through this year, in addition to several other friends, all I want to do is plan. Plan my life out, so nothing can go wrong, I'll be prepared to anything.
Luckily, several of my major role models have had nice long and meaningful talks with me this week, and all have been at the general consensus that you can't predict anything. Planning is nice and well, but anything can happen. Pregnancy, death, change of heart, change of mind. I'm trying to accept this idea for its good and bad points, the bad of course being harder to accept. But I'll try. I'll do my best. That's all anyone can promise.
Right?
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I really, really understand your desire to plan. I have it too. But sad to say, it's been my experience that there is no such thing as a plan. My life has not turned out in any way as I expected it, and usually it goes the most awry when I have a plan.
ReplyDeleteBUT! You are right about this time in your life being probably the most chaotic time you'll ever have (which is why people shouldn't get married in their early twenties. Society is stupid.)